messy. crazy. amazing. joyful.

We're not all officially ADHD. Dad's unofficial. Our ten-year-old twins have ADHD. Our seven-year old wants to have it because everyone is always talking about it. Our three year old has ADHD--just because she's three. And me, Mom, I think it's contagious. Who can remain untouched in a house where shoes seem to be lost every morning, instructions are routinely thrown aside, and fights erupt over which continent capybaras come from?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

So Are We Smarter Than the Average Thunnus Albacares?

Just barely. But I don’t feel too badly because the idiocy springs from being a parent. Moms and dads everywhere are bamboozled, sucked in, and manipulated by their own children. My children could be classed as professional negotiators, drama queens, and tyrants, so we’ve got to really be on our toes.

I found a quote in my readings that seemed to light the bulb in hubby’s head. I’ve been reading a lot of Dr. Daniel Amen lately, and I highlighted this from Magnificent Mind at Any Age:

“In dealing with kids, employees, and even spouses with ADD, no yelling! Many people with ADD seek conflict or excitement as a means of stimulation. They can be masters at making other people mad or angry. Do not lose your temper with them. If they get you to explode, their unconscious, low energy prefrontal cortex lights up and likes it. Never let your anger be their medication. They can get addicted to it.”

I think this is what happens in our house. Izzy and Luke draw us into conflict so often; they explode and expect a fireworks response from us. I know this may sound crazy to some. I mean, who likes conflict? No one would say they do, but if it gets your adrenaline pumping and your prefrontal cortex flashing, then whether it’s subconscious or not, you like conflict.

(Also addicted to fire.)

So we are trying not to be drawn in to the drama. We are trying to remain calm. We are trying not to yell or lecture. And I think we’re doing better. No magic bullets—for their behavior or ours—but we’re doing better. That’s what counts. 

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